Persevere, Responsibility, Tenacity

Plenty of things going through the mind now. SMU10, OCIP, Innovation Catalyst Program, Results, Frisbee. All of them important in their very own ways.

Somehow, i miss Hazel. Miss her as my VP, covering up everything i do with such ease. Comfortable. Perhaps because we have been through a lot. Done alot, getting scolded a lot, seen alot. i miss SL too, though i know he will never be what he was(not that i am gay and i am certainly not). Giving me encouragement when i am down, when i am confused. He seems to understand. I miss Tecks too, a source of advise. Wisdom and maturity radiates from him like a sun radiates heat and light. how i will look for advise and direction when i seem to lost myself in the darkness. Where are all of u? i guess i am alone now and i will persevere. i could never find back the team i had work with. the team that brings about memories of pain(YES) and joy. laughter and sadness. looking back, i seemed so committed then to the team, to the fact that i can cry in tears when we part. i dont cry. is this what they call the comfort zone? i want my ODAC days back. it is this sudden influx of feeling that brings me here, blogging.

My new team is a wonderful team. rational, smart people. funny too. i like them a lot. however, time is needed to really bond like what we did in ODAC. i am confident we can make it!

smu10 is becoming a chore to do. i know its not right to say this. hahaz, i have said it. I will recognize the fact. but i will not bow down to it. i will make sure my team completes it beautifully, in style, without mistakes. i would like to thank all of u. for trusting me, for believing in me, for having faith in me. i will make us proud.

OCIP(or should i just say NO IDEA) is another important event. it is of the utmost importance to me. trust me, have faith in me and believe in me. its not easy to lead friends. i am learning too. i might make mistakes along the way, but i will amend them. i will overcome them and bring us to greater heights. have faith in yourself too. You are damn zai people and it is damn stressful to lead all of you. but i can and i have the ability to do it. we must succeed and we will. i will not let this project fail, FOR ANY REASON!!!

Frisbee! IVP. i will make it to the first team. i will improve. i will do it.

Studies. 4.0 this sem. i will do it. no matter what. mug like fuck i shall. this is the commitment i made to myself. i will not let my mum down. live life once, all the way.

Innovation Catalyst Program - something new. something hard. chiong! thanks prof Kee Koon Boon for being understanding. it is important to me. interview here i come. not sure if i can get in anot. hahaz. uncertain but i will definitely do my best.

Friends - thanks for being here.

responsible, responsibly, responsibility - 3 words. all the meaning in the world.

New Year Resolution? or not.

I just remember i didnt make any new year resolution. But, then again, what's the point in making one. I dont follow them for goodness sake. so i shallnt bother. a few thank you list to add on.

Family - same old thing every year. but isnt that what family is about? the same old people around your life, always supporting you(in words or silence). always there. can i depend on them if i need someone? yes i can.

best friends - mr li and mr phang. u 2 assholes know what i wanna say. and yea, mr li, continue to wash face more often HOR! :P yea. i know they know. best friend for eternity.

no idea - i came in without expecting anything and i guess i have got many things. i am grateful. i might not be the same as u all(in fact i think very differently) but thanks for everything.

others - like eugene, jun han, hao jun(BSO), mei, etc etc PINKY, yea. thanks. from the bottom of my heart.

my life is just like that. normal, nothing exciting. i need to find my goals. i need to do smething constructive. give me meaning.

OCIP

Personal Expectations. I am quite happy sher told me her mum thinks i will be able to go far in life. it affirms my actions and motivations. it gives me confidence. Sometimes, just a little motivation goes a long way. I want to be zai in whatever i do. i will and must be zai in whatever i do.

concentrate on my studies, OCIP, smu10. :D

Failure

I dont need anyone to understand and i guess i wont want anyone to understand.

somehow, i am just putting up a false front to others. i know i am a failure and i know i have done fucking badly. i know i have to buck up and i know i have let my family down. fuck. i feel damn fucking bad.

however, i do not need anyone to know this neither do i want. told my frens(some at least). pretend to be okie. i dont want sympathy. let me drown in this darkness.

pissed off at myself. let me rot. sometimes, i just have no correct person to share this info(note the term correct and not close cos i have close frens). why am i writing the disclaimer in front? no one read this blog. i dont need anyone to read this either. i just want to type to vent out my frustration.

do i?

on the other hand, met up with sl and mei. nice to talk after so long. nvr lose touch.

thinking if i will be successful in life. do not have the criteria to. fuck!

Forget

I am ready. Or not. It doesnt matter. I will forget. Everything. And present a new me.

On the other note, i just won my first winter league match. We won. Great job to the team. However, i just cannot find myself to celebrate my win. I know playing while sick affects my fitness and judgement. I did just that. Did i know that i will jeopardize my team? Yes i did. BUT I PLAYED ANYWAY. assisted one, D one. i want to get well soon. i want to contribute. i want to be in the team.

The Sail

Mugging in The Sail is always something enjoyable. Not that i have been here very often, just twice. However, the experience of mugging here is wonderful. Quiet, with no one walking by. Spacious room, unlike squeezy and small GSR. Wonderful scenery. Alright, not that wonderful due to the many constructions around the area. Bird's Eye view of the city.

FA just concluded itself 4 hours ago. I can feel my A- flying away. Anyway, its not flying away. Its gone. To keep my scholarship, i MUST secure an A- for both Management Accounting and Corporate Reporting, not to say my 3.4 GPA. They seemed so tough to me now. Its an uphill task. I will buck up now.

Time to mug for BGS...

smu10

i love my smu10 team. they are efficient, hard working, discipline and smart. not the managers though. too rigid and i feel they restrict my team's creativity. spoken to them. doesnt work. look like life's gonna get tougher.

tough times dont last. tough men do.

Courtesy

Maybe i have been with my Odacians for too long. Maybe its just me. However, i feel that the new bunch of people i have met have very little regards for courtesy. Or maybe its due to different family background or different culture, different age and maturity or even different lifestyle.

My bunch of Odacians have come to my house to stayover many many times. After eating, we will clear up the plates, empty the trash, wash the bowls, wipe the floor. We will make sure the family is as undisturbed as possible. We will ensure that we leave the place in the same condition as we came here. Is it because we are Odacians(Mr Lim taught us well?). But it couldnt because i notice the same thing with alvin and my other friends.

Not with this current bunch of friends. they treat themselves like kings and queens in other people's home. They expect things to be cleared for them, they expect the owner to serve them, they expect this, they expect that. late at night now, and i hear the demands of mahjong without the slightest hint of disturbing the family, i hear the noise level escalating without considering the number of people in bed(including our friends). ultimately, they lost my respect of them in this area.

Sometimes, spare a thought more for others. Dont be a spoilt brat.